Punitive or Reformative?

A kind of punitive theory
governs my life.
I punish my wrong doers.
Even if it causes more pain to me,
Than the one I am punishing for.
It ensures that I am
the only legitimate
pain giver
to myself.
Thus, I free myself
from all external pain.
But when I am done,
I don't feel that great.
As pain hurts
de hors the source.
I think I need to learn
to heal myself
and to pardon those
who inflict pain on me.
I think that
may give
real relief.

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